Hallmark Channel’s “Small Town Setup” wants to be the real-life version of its most beloved movie plot: Big-city woman returns to her quaint hometown, realizes she’s missing love and finds it — handpicked by her parents and neighbors. But what plays like a romantic fantasy in a movie script feels far more intrusive and problematic in reality.

The show, which airs only on Hallmark’s streaming service, is a cringeworthy framework that’s rooted in dated gender roles and small-town idealism masquerading as universal truth.

Here’s the premise, straight from Hallmark: “An unsuspecting city dwelling single returns home to visit their small town parents, and is met with three potential dates. These suitors have been carefully selected by their parents and community, hopeful they will find love.”

Translation: You’re single, so your life must be missing something — and your family, neighbors and a Hallmark+ crew are here to fix that for you.

In the first episode, Victoria — a successful businesswoman living in New York City — visits her small hometown. She’s met with the suggestion that her single status is a problem, not a choice. Her parents, in coordination with dozens of people from the town, have curated three men she might date. That’s not matchmaking — that’s social engineering.

The process? The town nominates men. The parents narrow the field to three. Victoria then goes on dates while 80 or so townspeople observe and vote. It’s part community fair, part bachelor auction.

Her first date brings lemonade to a lakefront chair setup. She tells him she’s open to moving back “for the right person.” Cue the stereotype: That love is best found by leaving your independent city life behind and retreating into simpler, slower surroundings.

The other two dates — one at a mini-golf course, one at a crepe restaurant — are awkward. The conversations feel off, as if Victoria is performing openness while being trapped in a format that doesn’t leave much room for agency. She asks both men about their five-year plans, but we never hear hers.

At the end, Victoria has to choose. But before she does, Ashley Williams (the host) announces who the townspeople voted for. Then we hear who the parents picked. Only then does Victoria get to make her decision — in front of everyone.

She picks Michael, the first guy. They smile for the camera. And then the show just… ends.

The second episode starts the same way — a New York City woman heads home while her family searches for “Mr. Right.” I turned it off within minutes.

There’s nothing wrong with valuing relationships or even believing in the magic of small towns. But “Small Town Setup” doesn’t offer a heartwarming story — it offers a narrow view of what happiness looks like, and it reinforces tired tropes that women need saving and success isn’t enough without romance.